Just For Fun

Not Too Long, Just 6 Inches Only!

One day, an Ang Moh from USA arrived at KLIA Airport. After he checked out from the customs, he felt he needed to go to the toilet, so he looked for one.

When he found the toilet, there was a lady sitting at the entrance. When he was about to enter the toilet, the lady stopped him and asked for forty cents in Cantonese (‘sey kok’).

The Mat Salleh wondered why in MALAYSIA they have to ‘see the cock’ before entering the toilet?
So he said ‘no’ but the lady insisted. Since he had no choice, he took out his cock and showed it to her.

The lady said ‘No! No! Duit, Duit!’ (money in Malay), but the Ang Moh misunderstood again and thought that she said ‘Do it! Do it!’ So he asked, ‘Now? Here?’

The lady replied ‘Yes, yes!’ because she doesn’t quite understand English. The Ang Moh thought that she wanted to have sex with him, so he stripped the lady and made love to her.

The lady started screaming and shouted, ‘SAKIT! SAKIT!’ (pain in Malay), and the Ang Moh thought it was ‘SUCK IT! SUCK IT!’

He said ‘OK! I will suck it for you’ and took both breasts and suck them. The lady again screamed ‘Oh, TUHAN!’ (Oh, MY GOD….in Malay).

The Ang Moh misunderstood again. ‘Too HARD? OK, sweetheart, I’l l be gentler a bit,’ the Ang Moh replied.

Suddenly, a security guard walked by, so the lady shouted for help, ‘TOLONG! TOLONG, ENCIK!’ The Ang Moh replied, ‘Not too long, just 6 inches only.’

7 habits for successful people

 

7 habits for successful people

“Steven Covey is definitely hokkien”

 

Habit No 1

Be Pro-Active :

Kin
Ka Kin Chiew (fast leg, fast hand)

 

Habit No 2

Begin with the End In mind :

Wu
Tow Wu Buay (have head, have tail)

 

Habit No 3

First Thing First :

Chik
Hung Chik Hung Lai ,

Ban
Ban Lai (One thing at a time, slow and steady) or

Cho
Tow Seng (do first)

 

Habit No 4

Think Win-Win :

Long
Chong Ai Yarh (everything want to win)

 

Habit No 5

Seek To Understand Rather Than To Be Understood :

Cho
Lang Ai Eh Beng Pek (you must be understanding)

 

Habit No 6

Synergize :

Tai
Kay Ai Hup Chop (all must co-operate)

 

Habit No 7

Sharpen the Saw :

Toh
Bua Lai Lai

 

 

 

Boss First

A customer service rep, a sales rep and a vice president of a business software firm in a large city are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the customer service rep. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”

Poof! She’s gone.

In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“You’re next,” the Genie says to the vice president. The vice president says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of story: Always Let your Boss have the first say.

Funny eh?

1. A customer went to snack bar and ordered a hamburger. When 20 minutes had gone and his food hadn’t arrived, the irritated customer asked the waiter.

Customer : Will my hamburger be long?
Waiter : No, sir…it will be round.

2. Two young boys was having their morning breakfast, consist of hot chocolate and cereal. As he almost finish his meal, the younger of the two headed for their aquarium, his hand full of cereal. Just before he feed the turtles and the fish, his mother came into the room.

“Don’t do it, Kamal”,she said.”They’ll die.” The boys face turned pale and throw his mother a desperate look, “Then why did you gave it to us ?”

3. Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir,we serve anyone.

4. Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

5. Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Sad true story

A police officer had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a boy who was an ordinary poor person. When the gals father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers left their homes for a happy future. The gals father started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them in a newspaper to come back. Her father said that if u both come back i will marry u wit the guy u luv, i accept that u loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the age old attitude of the tribe took a beating. The couple went to the city for shopping for the wedding.

He was wearing a white traditional dress, and was crossing the road when a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses.After a long time she recovered and accepted that her love has died.

One night she was sleeping in her home with her family. Her mother had dream in which she saw a fairy. That fairy asked her mother to wash the blood spots of the guy from her daughter’s clothes as soon as possible.

But her mother ignored the dream. Next night the father saw the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night,she woke up and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes on which there were blood spots. She washed the spots but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the spots but some still remained. Next night she again had the same dream and this time that fairy gave her last warning to wash the blood spots, else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the spots, the clothes tore, but some spots still remained.

In the evening on same day when she was alone, someone knocked the door,when she opened the door she saw the fairy at the door. She got very scared and fainted. The fairy woke her up…, and gave her an object,That awe-struck girl asked “what is this..? to which the fairy replied

“….. Cubalab FAB Buku Biru…pasti hilangkan kotoran degil …..”

I know what u all are feeling now… But don’t look for me… I’m also searching for the person who mailed this to me… 🙂 hahaha..sorry

Classic Joke

How would you rearrange the letters in the words new door to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
One Word!

*WOMAN
When a woman is 18, she is a football – 22 men going after her.
When she is 28, she is a hockey ball – 8 men going after her.
When she is 38, she is a golf ball – 1 man hitting her.
When she is 48, she is a pingpong ball – 2 men pushing to each other.

*MAN
At 20 – A man is like a coconut; so much to offer, so little to give
At 30 – He is like a durian; dangerous but delicious.
At 40 – He is like a water-melon; big, round & juicy.
At 50 – He is like a mandarin orange; the season comes once in a year.
At 60 – He is just like a raisin; dried out, wrinkled & cheap.

*Marriage Humour
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

*If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course…at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

*Marriage is a three ring circus:
1.engagement ring
2.wedding ring
3.suffering

*Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

"Making Cakes" – Rated R

A little girl and her mother were walking through the park one day
when they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl
said, "Mommy, what are they doing?"

The mother hesitated, then quickly replied, "Um, they're making
cakes."

The next day they were at a zoo and the little girl saw two monkeys
having sex. Again she asked her mother, "What are they are doing?"

Her mother replied with the same response: "Making cakes."

The next day the girl said to her mother, "Mommy, you and Daddy were
making cakes in the living room last night."

Shocked, the mother asked, "How do you know?"

She said, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Japanese Tourist (07-28-00)

A Japanese tourist hail a taxi at Orchard Road and asked the taxi-driver to send him to Changi Airport. On the way, a car zoomed by, the Japanese tourist responded,"Ohhhhhhh !!!! TOYOTA !!!! Made in Japan !!!! Very fast !!!!!".

Then another car zipped by, he said,"Ohhhhhhh !!!! NISSAN !!!!! Made in Japan !!! Very fast !!!!!"

And another speed by, he said,"Ohhhhhhhh !!!! Mitsubishi !!!! Made in Japan!!!! Very fast!!!!!"

At the meantime, the taxi-driver is getting very frustrated and sick of the Japanese tourist.

Upon reaching Changi Airport, he said " please!" The Japanese tourist was shocked and argued,"Why so expensive? it's only a short distance" in which the Taxi-driver replied,"Ohhhhhhhh !!!!! Taxi-meter !!!!! Made in Japan !!!!! Very fast!!!

What is a Cat (07-08-00)

1) Cats do what they want.

2) They rarely listen to you.

3) They're totally unpredictable.

4) They whine when they are not happy.

5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.

6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7) They expect you to cater for their every whim.

8) They're moody.

9) They leave hair everywhere.

10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: Cats are tiny little women in cheap fur coats.

Top 10 reasons why TV is better than WWW (07-06-00)

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.

9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Not Found 404" message?

8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV — even on MTV.

7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.

6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.

5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.

4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.

3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.

2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.

….and the number 1 reason TV is better than the Web:

You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

Men are like (07-14-00)

Men are like…..Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like…..Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like…..Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like…..Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like…..Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like…..Curling irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
Men are like…..Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like…..High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like…..Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like…..Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like…..Laxatives. They irritate the poop out of you.
Men are like…..Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like…..Mini skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
Men are like…..Noodles. They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Men are like…..Plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like…..Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like…..Place mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like…..Used Cars. Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
Men are like…..Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Chick With A Big Ass And Long Legs

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke,’ and turns to the ostrich, ‘What’s yours?’

‘I’ll have the same,’ says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order ‘That will be $9.40 please,’ and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke.’
The ostrich says, ‘I’ll have the same.’

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. ‘The usual?’ asks the waitress.

‘No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,’ says the man.

‘Same,’ says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. ‘Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?’

‘Well,’ says the man, ‘several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.’

‘That’s brilliant!’ says the waitress. ‘Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!’

‘That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,’ says the man.

The waitress asks, ‘What’s with the ostrich?’

The man sighs, pauses and answers, ‘My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.’

Ah Beng – New Stuff

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, “My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610″

=====================================================

Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

=====================================================

Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

=====================================================

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I’ll also stay with your sister.

=====================================================

Ah Beng : People consider me as a “GOD”
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.

=====================================================

Ah Beng complained to the police: “Sir, all items are missing,except the TV in my house.”
Police: “How the thief did not take TV?”
Ah Beng : “I was watching TV news…”

=====================================================

Ah Beng comes back to his car & finds a note saying “Parking Fine”
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole “Thanks for compliment.”

=====================================================

How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

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Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather man announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

=====================================================

Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says “Hello, how did you know I was here?”

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Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man – This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng – If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

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Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is “u will go to jail”

=====================================================

Ah Beng told his servant: “Go and water the plants!”
Servant: “It’s already raining.”
Ah Beng : “So what? Take an umbrella and go.”

=====================================================

A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the evening and not in the morning. Ah Beng replied “Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM”.

The Hair Dryer… Guys, You Love This

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”

“Of course my child. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

The priest answered: “I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”