How would you rearrange the letters in the words new door to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
When a woman is 18, she is a football – 22 men going after her.
When she is 28, she is a hockey ball – 8 men going after her.
When she is 38, she is a golf ball – 1 man hitting her.
When she is 48, she is a pingpong ball – 2 men pushing to each other.
At 20 – A man is like a coconut; so much to offer, so little to give
At 30 – He is like a durian; dangerous but delicious.
At 40 – He is like a water-melon; big, round & juicy.
At 50 – He is like a mandarin orange; the season comes once in a year.
At 60 – He is just like a raisin; dried out, wrinkled & cheap.
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
*If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course…at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
*Marriage is a three ring circus:
*Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
"Making Cakes" – Rated R
A little girl and her mother were walking through the park one day
when they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl
said, "Mommy, what are they doing?"
The mother hesitated, then quickly replied, "Um, they're making
The next day they were at a zoo and the little girl saw two monkeys
having sex. Again she asked her mother, "What are they are doing?"
Her mother replied with the same response: "Making cakes."
The next day the girl said to her mother, "Mommy, you and Daddy were
making cakes in the living room last night."
Shocked, the mother asked, "How do you know?"
She said, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Japanese Tourist (07-28-00)
A Japanese tourist hail a taxi at Orchard Road and asked the taxi-driver to send him to Changi Airport. On the way, a car zoomed by, the Japanese tourist responded,"Ohhhhhhh !!!! TOYOTA !!!! Made in Japan !!!! Very fast !!!!!".
Then another car zipped by, he said,"Ohhhhhhh !!!! NISSAN !!!!! Made in Japan !!! Very fast !!!!!"
And another speed by, he said,"Ohhhhhhhh !!!! Mitsubishi !!!! Made in Japan!!!! Very fast!!!!!"
At the meantime, the taxi-driver is getting very frustrated and sick of the Japanese tourist.
Upon reaching Changi Airport, he said " please!" The Japanese tourist was shocked and argued,"Why so expensive? it's only a short distance" in which the Taxi-driver replied,"Ohhhhhhhh !!!!! Taxi-meter !!!!! Made in Japan !!!!! Very fast!!!
What is a Cat (07-08-00)
1) Cats do what they want.
2) They rarely listen to you.
3) They're totally unpredictable.
4) They whine when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They expect you to cater for their every whim.
8) They're moody.
9) They leave hair everywhere.
10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: Cats are tiny little women in cheap fur coats.
Top 10 reasons why TV is better than WWW (07-06-00)
10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Not Found 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV — even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
….and the number 1 reason TV is better than the Web:
You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.
Men are like (07-14-00)
Men are like…..Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like…..Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like…..Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like…..Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like…..Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like…..Curling irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
Men are like…..Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like…..High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like…..Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like…..Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like…..Laxatives. They irritate the poop out of you.
Men are like…..Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like…..Mini skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
Men are like…..Noodles. They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Men are like…..Plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like…..Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like…..Place mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like…..Used Cars. Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
Men are like…..Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.