Monthly Archive: October 2009

Funny eh?

1. A customer went to snack bar and ordered a hamburger. When 20 minutes had gone and his food hadn’t arrived, the irritated customer asked the waiter.

Customer : Will my hamburger be long?
Waiter : No, sir…it will be round.

2. Two young boys was having their morning breakfast, consist of hot chocolate and cereal. As he almost finish his meal, the younger of the two headed for their aquarium, his hand full of cereal. Just before he feed the turtles and the fish, his mother came into the room.

“Don’t do it, Kamal”,she said.”They’ll die.” The boys face turned pale and throw his mother a desperate look, “Then why did you gave it to us ?”

3. Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir,we serve anyone.

4. Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

5. Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Funny eh?

1. A customer went to snack bar and ordered a hamburger. When 20 minutes had gone and his food hadn’t arrived, the irritated customer asked the waiter.

Customer : Will my hamburger be long?
Waiter : No, sir…it will be round.

2. Two young boys was having their morning breakfast, consist of hot chocolate and cereal. As he almost finish his meal, the younger of the two headed for their aquarium, his hand full of cereal. Just before he feed the turtles and the fish, his mother came into the room.

“Don’t do it, Kamal”,she said.”They’ll die.” The boys face turned pale and throw his mother a desperate look, “Then why did you gave it to us ?”

3. Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir,we serve anyone.

4. Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

5. Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Sad true story

A police officer had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a boy who was an ordinary poor person. When the gals father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers left their homes for a happy future. The gals father started searching for the two lovers but they could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them in a newspaper to come back. Her father said that if u both come back i will marry u wit the guy u luv, i accept that u loved each other truly. So in this way their love won and the age old attitude of the tribe took a beating. The couple went to the city for shopping for the wedding.

He was wearing a white traditional dress, and was crossing the road when a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses.After a long time she recovered and accepted that her love has died.

One night she was sleeping in her home with her family. Her mother had dream in which she saw a fairy. That fairy asked her mother to wash the blood spots of the guy from her daughter’s clothes as soon as possible.

But her mother ignored the dream. Next night the father saw the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night,she woke up and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes on which there were blood spots. She washed the spots but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the spots but some still remained. Next night she again had the same dream and this time that fairy gave her last warning to wash the blood spots, else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the spots, the clothes tore, but some spots still remained.

In the evening on same day when she was alone, someone knocked the door,when she opened the door she saw the fairy at the door. She got very scared and fainted. The fairy woke her up…, and gave her an object,That awe-struck girl asked “what is this..? to which the fairy replied

“….. Cubalab FAB Buku Biru…pasti hilangkan kotoran degil …..”

I know what u all are feeling now… But don’t look for me… I’m also searching for the person who mailed this to me… 🙂 hahaha..sorry

True Story for a Change

There was once a man who was an enemy to Islam. He had three famous questions that no person could answer. No Islamic scholar in Baghdad could answer his three questions…thus he made fun of Islam in public. He constantly ridiculed Islam and the Muslims. One day a small boy, who`s age was 10, came along and heard the man yelling and screaming at Muslims in the street. He was challenging people openly to answer the three questions.

The boy stood quietly and watched. He then decided that he would challenge the man. He walked up and told the man, “I will accept your challenge”.

The man laughed at the boy and ridiculed the Muslims even more by saying, “A ten year old boy challenges me. Is this all you people have to offer!”

But the boy patiently reiterated his stance. He would challenge the man, and with Allah`s help and guidance, he would put this to an end. The man finally accepted.

The entire city gathered around a small “hill” where open addresses were usually made. The man climbed to the top, and in a loud voice asked his first question.

“What is your God doing right now?”

The small boy thought for a little while and then told the man to climb down the hill and to allow him to go up in order to address the question.

The man says “What? You want me to come down?”

The boy says, “Yes. I need to reply, right?”

The man made his way down and the small boy, age 10, with his little feet made his way up.

This small child`s reply was “Oh Allah Almighty! You be my witness in front of all these people. You have just willed that a Kafir be brought down to a low level, and that a Muslim be brought to a high level!”

The crowd cheered and screamed “Takbir”….”Allah-hu-akbar!!!”

The man was humiliated, but he boldly asked his Second question… “What existed before your God?”

The small child thought and thought.

Then he asked the man to count backwards. “Count from 10 backwards.”

The man counted…”10, 9 ,8 , 7 , 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,0″

The boy asked, “What comes before 0 ?”

The man: “I don`t know…nothing.”

The boy: “Exactly. Nothing was before Allah, for He is eternal and absolute.”

The crowd cheered again….”Takbir!”….”Allah-hu-akbar!!!!”

The man, now completely frustrated, asked his final question. “In which direction is your Allah facing?”

The boy thought and thought.

He then asked for a candle. A candle was brought to him. The blessed child handed it to the man and asked him to light it.

The man did so and remarked, “What is this supposed to prove?”

The young boy asked, “In which direction is light from the candle going?”

The man responded, “It is going in all directions.”

The boy: “You have answered your own question. Allah`s light (noor) goes in all directions. He is everywhere. There is no where that He cannot be found.

“The crowd cheered again….”Takbir!”….”Allah-hu-akbar!!!”

The man was so impressed and so moved by the boy`s knowledge and spirituality, that he embraced Islam and became a student of the young boy.

So ended the debate.

Who was the young boy?

The young boy was one of our leaders and one of the greatest scholars, Imam Abu Hanîfa (Rahmatullah Alaiyh).

The lion, rats, snake and the honey comb

The lion, rats, snake and the honey comb – a beautiful story

I heard the following story from a pious brother. Hopefully, this story will be beneficial for everyone, Inshallah.

Once a man saw in his dream, that a lion was chasing him. The man ran to a tree, climbed on to it and sat on a branch. He looked down and saw that the lion was still there waiting for him.

The man then looked to his side where the branch he was sitting on was attached to the tree and saw that two rats were circling around and eating the branch. One rat was black and the other one was white. The branch would fall on the ground very soon.

The man then looked below again with fear and discovered that a big black snake had come and settled directly under him. The snake opened its mouth right under the man so that he will fall into it.

The man then looked up to see if there was anything that he could hold on to. He saw another branch with a honeycomb. Drops of honey were falling from it. The man wanted to taste one of the drops. So, he put his tongue out and tasted one of the fallen drops of honey. The honey was amazing in taste. So, he wanted to taste another drop. As he did, he got lost into the sweetness of the honey.

Meanwhile, he forgot about the two rats eating his branch away, the lion on the ground and the snake that is sitting right under him. After a while, he woke up from his sleep.

To get the meaning behind this dream, the man went to a a pious scholar of Islam. The scholar said “The lion you saw is your death. It always chases you and goes where ever you go. The two rats, one black and one white, are the night and the day. Black one is the night and the white one is the day.

They circle around, coming one after another, to eat your time as they take you closer to death. The big black snake with a dark mouth is your grave. It’s there, just waiting for you to fall into it. The honeycomb is this world and the sweet honey is the luxaries of this world. We like to taste a drop of the luxaries of this world but it’s very sweet. Then we taste another drop and yet another. Meanwhile, we get lost into it and we forget about our time, we forget about our death and we forget about our graves.”

May Allah wake us up from the sleep and save us before it’s too late. Ameen.

Classic Joke

How would you rearrange the letters in the words new door to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
One Word!

*WOMAN
When a woman is 18, she is a football – 22 men going after her.
When she is 28, she is a hockey ball – 8 men going after her.
When she is 38, she is a golf ball – 1 man hitting her.
When she is 48, she is a pingpong ball – 2 men pushing to each other.

*MAN
At 20 – A man is like a coconut; so much to offer, so little to give
At 30 – He is like a durian; dangerous but delicious.
At 40 – He is like a water-melon; big, round & juicy.
At 50 – He is like a mandarin orange; the season comes once in a year.
At 60 – He is just like a raisin; dried out, wrinkled & cheap.

*Marriage Humour
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

*If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course…at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

*Marriage is a three ring circus:
1.engagement ring
2.wedding ring
3.suffering

*Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

"Making Cakes" – Rated R

A little girl and her mother were walking through the park one day
when they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl
said, "Mommy, what are they doing?"

The mother hesitated, then quickly replied, "Um, they're making
cakes."

The next day they were at a zoo and the little girl saw two monkeys
having sex. Again she asked her mother, "What are they are doing?"

Her mother replied with the same response: "Making cakes."

The next day the girl said to her mother, "Mommy, you and Daddy were
making cakes in the living room last night."

Shocked, the mother asked, "How do you know?"

She said, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Japanese Tourist (07-28-00)

A Japanese tourist hail a taxi at Orchard Road and asked the taxi-driver to send him to Changi Airport. On the way, a car zoomed by, the Japanese tourist responded,"Ohhhhhhh !!!! TOYOTA !!!! Made in Japan !!!! Very fast !!!!!".

Then another car zipped by, he said,"Ohhhhhhh !!!! NISSAN !!!!! Made in Japan !!! Very fast !!!!!"

And another speed by, he said,"Ohhhhhhhh !!!! Mitsubishi !!!! Made in Japan!!!! Very fast!!!!!"

At the meantime, the taxi-driver is getting very frustrated and sick of the Japanese tourist.

Upon reaching Changi Airport, he said " please!" The Japanese tourist was shocked and argued,"Why so expensive? it's only a short distance" in which the Taxi-driver replied,"Ohhhhhhhh !!!!! Taxi-meter !!!!! Made in Japan !!!!! Very fast!!!

What is a Cat (07-08-00)

1) Cats do what they want.

2) They rarely listen to you.

3) They're totally unpredictable.

4) They whine when they are not happy.

5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.

6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.

7) They expect you to cater for their every whim.

8) They're moody.

9) They leave hair everywhere.

10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

Conclusion: Cats are tiny little women in cheap fur coats.

Top 10 reasons why TV is better than WWW (07-06-00)

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.

9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Not Found 404" message?

8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV — even on MTV.

7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.

6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.

5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.

4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.

3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.

2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.

….and the number 1 reason TV is better than the Web:

You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

Men are like (07-14-00)

Men are like…..Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like…..Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like…..Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like…..Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like…..Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like…..Curling irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.
Men are like…..Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like…..High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like…..Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like…..Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like…..Laxatives. They irritate the poop out of you.
Men are like…..Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like…..Mini skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.
Men are like…..Noodles. They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Men are like…..Plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like…..Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like…..Place mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.
Men are like…..Used Cars. Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
Men are like…..Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Pantang lelaki…

Oleh
Noor Azlin Sukri

MENGAPAKAH sukar lelaki dan wanita untuk berkomunikasi?

Mungkin wanita tidak sedar wujud beberapa pantang yang mudah menjadi pemicu kemarahan golongan cik abang.

Lelaki ‘bingit’ apabila wanita:

1. Ungkit kisah lama

Anda marah dan kerana kemampuan wanita mengingati sesuatu peristiwa dengan terperinci, anda mengomel sambil mengungkit kisah 10 tahun lalu.

Tetapi cik abang bertanya: ‘Ah? Apa kena mengenanya?’

2. Banyak soal

Wanita suka berdialog, umpamanya beliau ingin tahu di mana lelaki itu makan tadi, dengan siapa dan apa yang dibualkan tetapi lelaki salah faham dan menganggapnya seperti disoal inspektor polis.

3. Bersaing dengan dirinya

Beliau sedang bercerita dengan anda tentang perangai bos di tempat kerja. Bukannya beliau ingin anda mendengar keluhannya sebaliknya bercerita panjang lebar tentang diri sendiri.

Lelaki menganggap anda sedang bersaing cerita dengannya sedangkan apa yang beliau mahukan ialah untuk anda mengatakan beliau betul dan bosnya salah.

4. Perlakukan mereka bak anak kecil

Mereka tidak perlukan seorang lagi ibu untuk memperbetulkan gaya, cakap dan pakaian mereka, bertanya mengapa tidak melakukan begitu dan begini.

5. Mengongkong

Bukan beliau tidak mempedulikan anda.

Sebenarnya ramai lelaki perlukan ruang untuk menyendiri. Mereka kadangkala perlu berinteraksi dengan kaum sejenis mengenai perkara-perkara yang hanya mereka fahami.

6. Menuduh

Wanita suka berbicara bak dirinyalah menjadi mangsa sekali gus membuat lelaki berasa bersalah. Misalnya:

Wanita: Baju mana yang cantik, merah ke biru?

Lelaki: Entah, suka hati awak. Dua-dua cantik.

Wanita: Awak memang tak ambil endah. Semua tak tau!

7. Cakap berputar belit

Cara perbualan, penyampaian dan menceritakan sesuatu dengan amat terperinci dan panjang lebar seolah-olah tiada penghujungnya membuat lelaki bosan kerana apabila berbual, lelaki lebih fokus.

8. Tidak tahu simpan rahsia

Mungkin wanita rasa tidak bersalah memberitahu teman bahawa suaminya berdengkur amat kuat dan cerita begini menggelikan hati tetapi lelaki menganggapnya kesalahan besar.

9. Bertanya sayang ke tidak

Pertanyaan seperti, ‘Awak sayang saya tak?’ buat sekali dua tidak mengapa tapi kalau ditanya berulang kali boleh membuatnya bosan.

10. Kata ‘tak ada apa-apa’

Apabila anda mematikan diri dan mengharap mereka ‘membaca’ fikiran anda, anda membuat mereka berasa keinginan untuk menolong ditolak dan akhirnya, mereka pun meradang. Tercetuslah perang sengit.

Dengan memahami ‘pantang-larang’ kaum lelaki, perkara-perkara yang boleh membuat mereka bosan yang selalunya mencetuskan peperangan boleh dielakkan.

Nota: Penulis ialah siswazah Psikologi Amali, Universiti Southern Queensland dan juga ibu tiga orang anak yang berusia antara 10 dengan lima tahun.

http://cyberita.asia1.com.sg/

Putera Emas : Fakta nombor 9 tu memori daun pisang aku….

Chick With A Big Ass And Long Legs

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke,’ and turns to the ostrich, ‘What’s yours?’

‘I’ll have the same,’ says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order ‘That will be $9.40 please,’ and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke.’
The ostrich says, ‘I’ll have the same.’

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. ‘The usual?’ asks the waitress.

‘No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,’ says the man.

‘Same,’ says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. ‘Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?’

‘Well,’ says the man, ‘several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.’

‘That’s brilliant!’ says the waitress. ‘Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!’

‘That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,’ says the man.

The waitress asks, ‘What’s with the ostrich?’

The man sighs, pauses and answers, ‘My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.’

Ah Beng – New Stuff

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, “My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610″

=====================================================

Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

=====================================================

Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

=====================================================

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I’ll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I’ll also stay with your sister.

=====================================================

Ah Beng : People consider me as a “GOD”
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.

=====================================================

Ah Beng complained to the police: “Sir, all items are missing,except the TV in my house.”
Police: “How the thief did not take TV?”
Ah Beng : “I was watching TV news…”

=====================================================

Ah Beng comes back to his car & finds a note saying “Parking Fine”
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole “Thanks for compliment.”

=====================================================

How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

=====================================================

Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather man announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

=====================================================

Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says “Hello, how did you know I was here?”

=====================================================

Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man – This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng – If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

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Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is “u will go to jail”

=====================================================

Ah Beng told his servant: “Go and water the plants!”
Servant: “It’s already raining.”
Ah Beng : “So what? Take an umbrella and go.”

=====================================================

A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the evening and not in the morning. Ah Beng replied “Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM”.

The Hair Dryer… Guys, You Love This

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”

“Of course my child. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

The priest answered: “I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”